braces

death will creep in at 11 o'clock sharp tomorrow. i shant not complain and whine about it because it is something that i want to do. i made the decision myself and so no whining is allowed. meanwhile, i shall just enjoy the peaceful and quiet last night i have before pain is my new found pain.

many events happening

i had been dreading the camp for a long time because i dont understand the point of me being not at home for 5 days. i just DONT see the point. i had been whining to friends about it. it was just so ARGH!

and so now, the camp is finally over. from the freshies' point of view, i will grade the camp as a good one, excluding the friction within the main committee. i am not in the position to judge if it is an enjoyable one because for the entire camp, i was heavily and actively involved in fright night and being a helper for SP night. other than that, i was just doing shitty jobs, helping others to cover their asses. damn!

the only best part is knowing that our fright night was a great improvement from the dry run and many said it was a success. seriously, the 3 of us (yihan, minghui, i) deserves a pat and not forgetting our SP committee (junrong, dabai, ben) and the other helpers. i really did not know scaring people could be so much fun.

one event down, one more to go. cannot say much about the upcoming event because no details are confirmed yet. i feel the need to have someone to push us to work hard and long hours from next week onwards. push me, give me deadlines or else i will be bored at home, just like the rest.

sticky situation

dont you want to pretend nothing had happened when faced with a sticky situation? it's natural human reaction. something that differentiates humans from animals but sadly, why are you not using it logically? of all the available options, why choose the worst of the batch? run away, hide and secretly wish that everything will be back to its previous state. stop being a naive coward! face the consequences. you know very well that every single move you make now will not only affect you alone. stop doing things just for the kick. start to spare a thought for the people around you.

and you! stop using it too well. stop trying to shift/push/deny all responsibilities. what is the point of drawing such a clear line when everyone is working towards a common goal? you are only working towards destruction if you refuse to blur that line. if you think that all is about you doing your own job well, leave me alone! i dont hang out with a team destructor. stop whining because you are doing just a little bit more than what you used to do. overlaps are bound to happen. if not, the world will be free from troubles. problems are clearly defined and distinctive. everything has a fixed solution and standard outcome. what is there to worry about when things are crystal clear?

i should be able to go back to sleep when things start to move. i am currently in this sick state of mind. it is freaking early morning at 3am now and i am still not going to sleep. my mind is on standby but my legs refuse to move an inch. and soon when my energy is completely burnt out, i will be sick. rain, sun, hot and cold. stop giving me awkward combinations of temperature before my body decides to go on a riot. the changes that are happening around me is sometimes too overwhelming for my body frame. i can sense the changes slowly affecting my mood everyday, and slowly my temper will get worse and finally i will erupt like a volcano. i want to have a day or two to sit back, look at things again and have a long chat over a drink.

ultra tiring

i have not felt this way for a long time. my bones are going to break with the slightest push. ULTRA SUPER DUPER tired! rushing like a red bull at work place, hopefully to finish my work before i leave. i cant stand looking at the mountain of documents piling up continuously in the cupboard, waiting for my attention. it scares the hell of me, as if my work is an on-going affair. it NEVER ends!!! for dry run, it was good considering the limited time we had and being our FIRST. definitely there is many rooms for improvement. i am just thankful to everyone who was there to make it a smooth sailing dry run, and most importantly their honest feedbacks. they may hurt but they are helpful. sometimes, i rather face the harsh truth than a beautiful mask.

besides all the rushings, i have confirmed something about me. i am having a love-hate relationship with it. it is good because things will move and hopefully be done but i may piss the people around me in the process. i am unsure if it is something good or bad about me. for one thing i am sure of is it is in me. i try to change it, and i meant it but it just comes back naturally. i will feel uncomfortable all over my body when things are slow or undone. it makes me want to push the person in front of me. and so the cycle begins. luckily, i have friends who truly understand me and decide to leave me alone. if not, i guess things will most likely turn ugly.

my body is telling me to jump onto my bed with my wet hair and leave all matters till tomorrow. on the other hand, my brain is persuading me to stay up a little longer to settle matters that are running in my head now. i need to write them down. i need to start to think. and finally, let the work begin! push on!!!